For this post, describe in detail an interpersonal conflict situation, real or hypothetical. Describe in detail the setting/context of the conflict, the people involved, the main problem, and the possible causes. Try to identify the feelings of the people involved. Finally, while considering the main problem, articulate it in the form of a question that might be answered in the form of a possible solution by the members of your blogging group.
At a schoolmate’s birthday celebration several weeks back, one of my friends offered me a slice of the birthday cake. I rejected politely as I was feeling slightly unwell after a heavy meal I had just before that. She appeared to be very offended and snapped at me for being unappreciative, after which, she stormed off leaving me in an awkward situation. The main problem was miscommunication between both parties. She probably did not understand why I rejected her offer and took it personally. On my part, I failed to communicate to her why I could not accept her offer. I do not know the exact reason for her outburst either; it could be caused by several factors. Maybe she was in a bad mood to begin with and needed to vent her unhappiness.
She could have been hurt by my gesture, thinking I was being unappreciative. She probably doubted my sincerity towards our friendship. I, on the other hand, felt hurt by her accusation. Her lack of understanding and empathy, especially since I was unwell at that time, disappointed me greatly. Also, leaving me feeling awkward in a crowd made me feel even worse. Could this entire episode have been avoided? How should I react to her the next time we meet?
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4 comments:
It is important that both parties agree to talk directly about the difficulty between you. One
party initiates by stating the difficulty as s/he perceives it, and requesting that you find a
mutually acceptable time and place to talk about it. You may also directly give your feeling reactions to the his/her statements, and if
these indicate motivation to further understand the conflict, the parties move to mutual diagnosis.
Often of course, the other party will become defensive and attempt to explain, justify or deny
his/her behavior. If so, you should work hard as an active listener.
Most importantly,both parties must refrain from accusing, name calling,ridiculing, sarcasm, etc., which will only escalate the conflict further, or shut down the
discussion.
Well, it is belief that in Chinese culture, it is impolite to reject offers, especially when it was her birthday cake. Perhaps, both you and your friend have have a different culture, therefore that was the root of the conflict.
I feel that this entire episode cannot be avoided. In fact it was a unexpected situation. Perhaps you should show some concern about your friend and ask her the reason for her to storm off. I understand that you will feel that she should be the one who should make the first move to talk to you, but at the end of the day, it takes two hands to clap. Well that was my 5 cent worth of comment.
I feel that both parties would definitely need to talk to each other about why the both of you reacted in that manner at that point in time.
I believe that it is only through talking with your other party involved in the conflict, then you can understand the root cause of the conflict. In addition, most people would take the cowardly route of avoiding bringing up this matter to the other party and let time pass, eventuall hoping that the other party might just forget about that matter. This might just make things worse as the other party might start to bear grudges against you, causing your friendship to sour.
As what Kendra, Alvan and Xin Wei suggested, the episode of rejecting birthday cake would be best dealt with by talking about it to gain a mutual understanding of the reasons behind the reactions at that time.
Yet, there might be a possiblity of more complicated underlying feelings behind the simple nature of the conflict itself. Perhaps the adverse reactions could be related to some other matters which aroused displeasure prior to the rejection of cake episode. It may due to some presuppositions made by the friend that caused this miscommunication. In the discussion to resolve the conflict, perhaps more emphasis may be given to the hidden factors and emotions that did not surface so readily.
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